I have been in the mental health field for almost 25 years, and it was not until I started working here that I became aware of Imposter Syndrome. I also realized that while I had not even heard of it, I have suffered greatly from it.

As a young child, I was diagnosed with a severe learning/processing disorder. Basically, for me, every test I have ever taken has been an exercise in overcoming fear. Unfortunately, it has also been an exercise in battling feelings of incompetency.

So, how does one keep going while constantly battling feelings of being a fraud?

1. Don’t quit. Instead, determine that you have a goal and that you will not allow fear to keep you from reaching that goal. You define who you become, not your fears.
2. Fail greatly. Learn and adjust when you fail. Determine that a failure is only a sign that you might need to take another path. Also, know that you will not have to wonder what might have been later in your life. There is value and honor in the effort.
3. Find your worth and value in something other than work. 
4. If you are anxious about completing a particular task, think about a task that you have mastered but were worried about in the past. With time and training, you will also master this task just as you did the other.
5. Become focused on helping others who are in the same situation as you. For example, in one academy I was in, the only way we could graduate was by working as a team and helping each other.

Lastly, I would like to share a poem that has meant a great deal to me over the years. It has been a great source of encouragement for me. It was written by Theodore Roosevelt and is called, “The Man in the Arena.”

“It’s not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the area, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat.”

I remember when I started my counseling career. My goal was a simple one: I wanted to ease, and even help end, people’s suffering.

Regardless of which help/healing job we are in, I think our goal is to heal.

As my career went on, I found that there were times that I did just that, help and ease/end suffering. What I also found was that no matter how hard I tried, there was always more suffering.

I found myself becoming very discouraged. One of the first things my training officer told me was, “There will be calls holding when you SO (sign-on) and calls holding when you OD (go off duty).”

As veterinary professionals, you help ease/end suffering every day—but there will always be another injured or hurting animal.

Viktor Frankl, a neurologist, psychiatrist, philosopher, author, and Holocaust survivor, was born on March 26, 1905, in Vienna, Austria. As a young man, he studied neurology and psychiatry at the University of Vienna.

Dr. Frankl opened several clinics intending to address suicide in students. He had found that when grades came out, suicides went up. These clinics were highly successful, and he reduced the number of suicides significantly in high school students.

In 1942, he and many in his family were sent to a concentration camp. While there, he continued his efforts to prevent others from committing suicide.

How was he able to do this? Frankl believed that the key in all things was to find meaning in the present moment.

“What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.”

Victor Frankl

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

Victor Frankl

He knew that pain and suffering were a part of human life. He believed that the goal was to find meaning in it.

Regardless of our current circumstances, our goal is to discover our purpose in the present. Try not to live in the past or the future, but the now.

Today, tomorrow, or any given day, you will experience a challenging situation at work, home, or in the natural, or virtual spaces.

The growth is in knowing that the work you do at the VMTH is impactful—not only for the animals you help but also for those who love them.

Find your purpose in the present moment.

This week’s Counselor’s Corner will be basic, quick, and to the point.

Adapt and overcome. Becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. As we care for ourselves and others, remember the small things.

• Let yourself feel what you feel without judgment.
  • Happiness, anger, frustration—write these feelings down as a way to capture them on paper.
• Remind yourself that you can only do what you can do.
  • Do the best that you can in this current moment.
• Stay present.
  • Name three things that you can see, hear, or touch.
• List three things you did well today.
• List five things you are grateful for.
• Complete two acts of kindness—for both yourself and others.
• See the beauty in the sun and the ice. 
• Take several deep breaths to help reconnect your mind with your body.
• Remind yourself that this too will pass.
  • And, when it does, you’re going to be stronger than before.
• Eat as much pizza as you can.
  • There will soon be a time you won’t want to!
• Debrief with a friend or co-worker.
• See the beauty in the animal you are helping to become well.
• Find the humor in something.

These are small things—but remember—it’s the small things that help with the long-term issues of self-care and burn-out.

Also, I’ve now had the privilege of watching many of you work. And, I can’t begin to say how impressed I am with the professionalism, skill, and dedication you all display!

Dr. Paul Hewitt and Dr. Gordon Flett determined that there are basically three types of perfectionists.

• The self-oriented perfectionist
  • This person strives to be the very best and they turn their drive into achieving and reaching goals. They use their perfectionism as a skill and are highly adaptive.
• The other-oriented perfectionist
  • This person expects others to be perfect. This can lead to problems interacting with others.
• The socially prescribed perfectionist
  • This person believes others expect them to be perfect. They feel a strong desire for the approval of others and can be very self-critical.

The key to being a perfectionist is self-compassion. No one can be perfect all the time and when mistakes are made, they shouldn’t be seen as defeats, but as opportunities for growth and learning.

As a week comes to an end, take a few moments to look back over the week and have your own personal debrief and planning session.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Am I feeling any pain or muscle stiffness? If so, where?
  • This will help with grounding and being present. After answering the question, come up with a plan to address the issues, such as stretching, massage, walking, running, deep breathing, sleeping—maybe even ice baths.
    
• What are my current emotions?
  • Sad, happy, excited, stress, shame, anger, joy, etc. Name whatever the emotion is and allow yourself to feel it. Emotions are what they are and it’s okay to feel them.
  • If you’re having emotions that you don’t like, write them out. Write down the thoughts that are behind those feelings. I feel angry at myself for not fill in the reason here.
  • Do you need to be kinder to yourself? Do you need to make a different plan? The truth is, sometimes we just need to feel things.
    
• What are three specific ways I’m going to care for myself this weekend?
  • We all have different things we enjoy doing. Think of one thing you’ve always been interested in and research it.

A loss is a loss. It can be short term, or it can be long term. Regardless of the nature of the loss, it involves the process of grief.

Grief consists of the thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. It’s the meaning that is behind our pain. It can also be the grief we feel when a loss might be coming soon.

Elisabeth Kubler Ross identified several stages of grief.

• Denial—“This is not happening” or “This can’t be true.”
• Anger—At times, clients might direct this anger towards you—because it can be too big of a feeling for them.
• Bargaining—“If only I had done this…” It’s a normal part of the process, but many times nothing else could have been done.
• Depression—No one wants to feel depressed, but it’s part of the healing process. It’s okay to feel it and honor it.
• Acceptance—This is coming to peace and terms with the loss. “I’m so grateful for the times I had with and the memories of…”   

The stages of grief do not follow any particular order and one can move in and out of them. We can help our clients by understanding what stage of grief they might be in.

There are calls I remember going on that I will never forget. Some of them happened almost a decade ago and I can still remember even the smallest detail.

One call, in particular, stands out among the rest and, to be honest, I did not handle it well for a very long time. My mind was plagued with “What ifs?” and “If only!”

If you have ever had one of these, you know what I am talking about.

There are no quick bullet points on cases like these—no easy answers. But, I’d like to provide some thoughts I hope will be helpful.

• Allow yourself to feel the full force of the sorrow. Don’t (as I did) try to run away from them.
• There is no timetable for what you will feel and how long you will feel it. Be kind to yourself. There is no rush.  It might take years or decades, but that’s okay.
• These cases will change you but, in the end, you determine how they change you. It took a long time for me but seeing death motivated me to try and celebrate life. 
• At the right time and in the right frame of mind, ask yourself if there is anything you can learn from the experience.
• If memories of that case pop up at unexpected times, know that it is all part of the process.  
• As always, practice self-care. All the basics. Sleeping, eating, etc.
• Know that if you need to talk about it—I’m here. If I can’t be of help, I can help you find someone who can.
• Lastly, know that you are not alone. There are many others who have also made this journey.   

Driving in from Houston today, I was struck by the beauty of the sun rising through the fog and the trees. And, for some reason, things like that seem more precious than they used to.

What is resiliency and what does it mean to you?

Let’s say you have a goal of making it to the top of a hill. It can be large, it can be small. Regardless of the size or what it is, you start running towards it.

Then, almost out of nowhere, you run full speed into a wall that prevents you from reaching your goal. You are knocked down, sore, dazed, and shocked. You feel tired, angry, and lost.

It’s at this point where the real resiliency begins.

You could…

1. Not get back up because if you were supposed to get to that hill you would have.
2. Feel even worse because the wall must not like you and you don’t have it’s approval.
3. Not get back up because others have told you that you could never do it and they must be right.
4. Define your life by this one experience of getting knocked down by the wall.
5. Not get back up because life is supposed to be fair and that wall was not being fair.
6. Fill in the blank.

Or, you could…

1. Set back and reevaluate. Is it worth it? Is still a goal you want? If not, find another one.
2. Seek out wise counsel from others who have overcome that wall.
3. Study the wall and take different approaches, maybe climb it or go around it. You adapt and overcome.
4. Look to the top of that wall and realize someone is already there reaching down a hand to help.
5. You decide that no matter how many hits it takes, you are going to learn how to be stronger and smarter than you were the last time.
6. You make the simple choice that you are just not going to quit. You become comfortable with being unconfutable.
7. You turn the anger and frustration into motivation and determination.  

The majority of my walls have been related to the fact that, at a young age, I was diagnosed with a severe learning disability. As a matter of fact, it was so severe, I wasn’t expected to graduate from high school.

As I look back, I see many walls conquered and hills summitted. I wanted to overcome it to a point where no one would ever know I ever even had a learning disability.  

So, what’s your hill—and your wall—today?

Compassion fatigue is a very deep, complicated subject. My goal is to break it down into small parts.

First of all, the name itself has a depressive connotation to it. As we look at it, I prefer to call it compassion self-care. It can affect all areas of our lives. Compassion self-care involves looking at how we “talk” to ourselves.

Situation

I had a very long day at work. It was very emotionally draining. I return home and I feel very tired and worn out.

In my mind, I become angry for feeling this way and mentally “beat myself up.” I think, “I should be able to handle all this.”

Ways to Address

If someone you loved was going through a difficult time at work, would you talk to them the way that you are talking to yourself? Would you try and be comforting and supportive?

Talk to yourself like you would talk to a loved one. It may feel strange and uncomfortable but try it anyway.

Suggested Techniques

• Journaling: Write down on paper thoughts you are “telling yourself.”
• Self-care: Caring for yourself as you care for others.